The Drunken Dance-Move Recreation Miscalculation
by 5Mississippis
Summary: From the taping reports blurb we were given about The Romance Resonance, an idea (hopefully amusing) about what might have happened to the rocking chair owed to the Bed and Breakfast.


_A mention from this weeks taping report for The Romance Resonance that Leonard and Penny need to replace a rocking chair from a Bed and Breakfast was too delicious to ignore. _

Rated M

Leonard and Penny

The Drunken Dance-Move Recreation Miscalculation

The look on Leonard's face was the picture of profound disbelief. "Nooo!"

"Yes. Bernadette said that she and Howard do it all the time."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Nope. Not all at."

"You mean Howard? Our Howard?"

"Yep. The same."

Standing across the room, Leonard continued to look at Penny, doubt written across his face.

"Oh come on, Leonard! Please! Can we try it? Just once?"

"I'm sorry. I just can't believe that Howard can do that." Leonard slapped his forehead. "And now I just got a very bad visual."

"Come on, Leonard! Please! I got the music queued up and everything," Penny said, pointing to the iPod she had already connected to the sound system in their room at the four-star Bed and Breakfast Leonard had taken her to in Palm Springs as a surprise romantic get-away. "Or maybe it's just that Howard is more romantic than you."

"No … no … no … it's just …"

"Just what?"

"Well Bernadette is, you know, … tiny …"

"What?! Are you saying that I'm fat? That I'm freakishly mannish and big?!"

"What? Nooo!" Leonard tried to soothe. "Penny! You know that's not true …"

"Or maybe it's because Howard is stronger … more manly. You know … not a pussy."

Leonard's expression instantly went from queasy, not sure hesitancy to defiance. He jaw set and his mouth became a thin line. "OK. Let's do this."

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want you to do something you're not entirely comfortable with …"

Leonard bounced in place, on the balls of his feet while shaking his arms. "No," he said confidently. "I'm ready. Let's do this." He finished his physical preparation by clapping his hands together and rubbing them. Bending his knees, he crouched slightly and put his hands up. "Go."

Penny clapped her hands and squealed in delight. "I've always wanted to do this!" Turning, she hit 'play' on the iPod.

The music swelled and filled the room.

_Now I've had the time of my life_

_No I never felt like this before_

_Yes I swear it's the truth_

_and I owe it all to you_

Penny bounced happily. "This is so exciting! We're Johnny and Baby! Ready?"

"Do it," came Leonard's forceful, determined reply.

Wearing her flouncy purple teddy, Penny ran towards Leonard, making a tiny jump just a fraction of a second before Leonard caught her. A son of Archimedes, Leonard knew to catch Penny at her center of gravity, her hips.

Using Penny's forward motion, Leonard lifted her gracefully. In seconds, Penny was air born, and then held high above Leonard's head, supported by his outstretched arms.

_I've had the time of my life_

_No I never felt this way before_

_Yes I swear it's the truth_

_And I owe it all to you_

In the history of the world, no duo had ever executed the ballet move 'carry lift with man in spread eagle' with such fluid perfection. If they had been privileged to witness it, George Balanchine would have drooled and Mikhail Baryshnikov would have paled with envy.

Straining at holding 120 pounds of Penny above his head, Leonard wheezed, his voice coming out in rushed, interrupted spurts. "I truly …. hope … that this ….. counts … as a ….. crazy …thing …. I … am …. capable ….. of …doing."

Flying six feet off the ground with only her asthmatic, currently wheezing badly, not-very-physically-inclined boyfriend supporting her, Penny had a sudden drunken epiphany: this was not a good idea.

"Leonard. Get me down." She felt the trembling of his arms and bending of his elbows, and she began to list dangerously. "NOW," she added with a panicky, near scream.

As Penny began to twist and panic overhead, Leonard had a sudden drunken epiphany: this was not a good idea. The intellectual descendent of Archimedes realized he had a plan to hoist his girlfriend over his head, but not one to get her down. His next epiphany: alcohol and acrobatics do not mix.

"LEONARD!"

Penny's yells alerted the staff at the front desk at the exclusive 'Couples Only' Bed and Breakfast. Looking up at ceiling, they could certainly imagine what was happening just above them in room 217. They were used to loud vocal expressions during exuberant lovemaking, but if this couple didn't quiet down quickly, they would need to send someone to knock at the door.

"Squirming ….. don't squirm ….. throwing off ….. center … of gravity ….," Leonard wheezed as his legs began to give way and, stumbling, the duo began to careen around the room. The muscles in his arms burning, Leonard began to tip backwards, with Penny heading face first towards the floor.

Penny felt herself tipping forward, nothing but the floor six feet down loomed.

"NO! LEONARD! STOP!"

With a herculean effort, Leonard pulled Penny's hips forward from behind his head, preventing her face first fall behind his back. But now the momentum shifted and her weight pulled them forward. Reflexively, Penny pulled her legs in and curled them around Leonard's neck and shoulders, her fingers dug into his hair and scalp, desperate to find purchase.

As for Leonard, when Penny wrapped her legs around his head, his vision was lost, now only saw purple panty.

Stumbling forward, they crashed into a wall, Penny's back and Leonard's neck taking the brunt of it. It shook. Pictures smashed and fell, Penny's hip caught the stone mantel of the fireplace.

"OW! LEONARD! STOP! THAT HURT!"

"FAM FRYING FRU!" Came the muffled response from her crotch.

But the force sent them rebounding off the wall and lurching once again towards the middle of the room.

"LEONARD! NO!"

Uncoordinated, blinded, and staggering with a screaming woman wrapped around his head, Leonard's left knee clipped a rocking chair and his leg went out from underneath him. Balance lost, he fell into the chair. And because it was a rocking chair, it tipped backwards, exposing Leonard's soft midriff, just as all of Penny's sturdy weight came crashing down right on his exposed groin.

In its long life, the antique rocking chair held infants that were lovingly nursed, crying children that were soothed, and dreamers who were cradled by the motion and looked hopefully out into the night filled with stars. In its last inglorious seconds before it splintered and became kindling, it gave a final creak and collapsed under the combined weight of two blitzed lovers, trying to recreate the final scene from _Dirty Dancing,_ who were ejected from the Bed and Breakfast that night.

...The End...

_A/N: Extremely goofy, I know, but I just couldn't help myself. I hope you enjoyed it and found it a tad amusing. Thank you for reading! _


End file.
